EMERGENCY BRAT PACK Jul 15 2004
By Damien Fletcher
SUMMER for millions of us means an endless battle with our squealing kids.
But the fact the House of Lords says it's OK to smack the little brats doesn't mean there's not a better way to control them.
And at last we've found a hero who can show us the way - "Mary Poppins with balls" Jo Frost.
Six million of us tuned in last week to cheer on Channel 4's "Supernanny" and her zero tolerance approach to bad behaviour.
Calming tears, stopping tantrums and keeping cheeky kids in line is all in a day's work for the 34-year-old childcare consultant.
With 15 years experience as a nanny, Jo - who says her philosophy is about getting "back to basics" - has plenty of advice on how to get the best from your kids.
As Jo, of Fulham, West London, says: "I don't believe children are born naughty because their behaviour from a young age is down to the skills of their parents.
"I don't mince my words and I say what I sincerely feel. I hope parents can grab a piece they can relate to from each programme."
Here she gives us 10 tips on how you can tame your brats:
SAY IT IN A FIRM VOICE
IF you're telling your child not to do something naughty or dangerous but saying it in an apologetic voice, don't blame them for ignoring you.
To warn them about something serious - such as telling them not to touch the oven - lower your voice so it sounds deeper and more authoritative.
Eye contact is vital. But remember, you're not staring them down, you're showing them the same respect you show adults.
Make them feel like you're working with them, not overpowering them.
BE CLEAR ABOUT WHAT YOU EXPECT
YOUR child might not know they're being naughty if they haven't been told how to behave in certain situations from an early age.
This can lead to anger and tantrums - or even an introverted child. Children are born pleasers, they want the recognition of doing things correctly, so be clear about what it is you expect.
Teach them to have respect for their parents and other children and adults, and what will happen if they behave badly.
AVOID BEING UNDERMINED
IT'S important that all the adults who look after your kids enforce the same routines, whether it's Mum, Dad, Gran - or the nanny. If Gran lets your child eat lots of sweets before dinner despite the fact you told them they're not allowed, they will soon learn how to play you off against each other. Work together as a unit to take control - rather than letting them control you.
DON'T BE ANGRY
IF your child isthrowing a fit, not listening and totally out of control because they can't have their own way, discipline them very firmly but calmly. Take them away from the situation and let them reflect on the consequences of their actions. It's vital for parents to cool down too, because otherwise they may lose their temper.
Put children on a "naughty step", or stand them in the corner and face the wall. If they ask you to stop the punishment, demand an apology. Then forget about it and don't bear a grudge.
TELL THEM WHY
IT'S no use punishing a child if you haven't told them why what they are doing is wrong.
You need to give them warnings so they can think about what they are doing and have a chance to change it.
A child needs to know why they should stop doing something. It's your duty as a parent to give them that information so that in the future they will remember why it's the wrong thing to do.
GIVE LOTS OF LOVE
I BELIEVE in lots of hugs and kisses - kids need reassurance and unconditional love, once you've laid down the rules.
If you're having dinner, give them an affectionate wink; when they get home from school give them a big cuddle.
If you give them lots of love, it will all come back to you. I've yet to meet a mum who doesn't like getting a big hug and kiss from their child.
DON'T REWARD BAD BEHAVIOUR
IF your child is demanding sweets or crisps, don't try to "buy them off" or barter with them by offering alternatives.
They must understand their behaviour doesn't get them their own way so stand up to them and tell them firmly, "no, you can't have it".
Only then can they be given the choice of something else.
INVOLVE THEM
WHEN I go shopping I always bring two lists, one for me and one for them. Children love being involved because it makes them feel more grown up.
If you have to do the washing, get the children to match the socks as they take them out of the tumble-drier. It's the kind of thing they might do at school, and they'll love it.
But don't talk to them like an adult. They should be worried about which football to take to the park or which dolly to play with, not your relationship with your boss at work.
KEEP TO ROUTINES
WARN your kids dinner time is coming up 10 minutes before the meal is ready so they can stop what they're doing and wash their hands.
A regular bath time should be noisy and fun, with all the bubbles going everywhere.
Many children hate having their hair washed so make sure you warn them before pouring water all over their heads - otherwise they can feel like they are drowning or can't breathe.
Teach them about what everything does - the shampoo washes your hair, and the conditioner makes it soft, to lessen the fear.
LET THEM UNWIND
AFTER their bath, let them calm down - don't play games that stimulate them too much.
Having a set bedtime is important. Get their pyjamas laid out ready and create a peaceful atmosphere. Put the answer machine on and turn off your mobile. Don't rush them because you want to watch your favourite TV show.
Read them a story and reassure them by saying where you will be when you have left the room. If a child comes downstairs, take them straight back upstairs to bed again.
-The final Supernanny episode is on Channel4 next Wednesday at 9pm.
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